The following article is a work of fictional humour and does not necessarily have to follow standard canon. The author is urged to do so though.
This story is f***** up. It should be read by nobody.
Ruuna was an acklay, he was 20ft tall... and he had a really bad temper. This got him into a shizzle load of trouble and even a conflict with the high prophets. This... is his story.
Chapter 1: "And Don't You Fuckin' Come Back to my Hood!" Edit
Ruuna was in the kitchen today, that’s where the prophets wanted him. If the prophets want you to do something, you better do it or you’re suddenly a “heretic.” So Ruuna washed the dishes and cooked the meals to prove his belief in the Great Journey. It was hard to do dishes though; Ruuna was suffering from the hangover from hell. He was REALLY pissed. He already took a shit in some grunts cheeseburger and spit in a Jackals’ turkey surprise. Then some Elite pulled up into the driveway.
He was apparently talking to his kids in the back seat, “hey! Shut yo mouths or I’ll pull outta’ this damn driveway and you can eat shit for breakfast!” The Elite then turned to the microphone, “yeah, uh, I’ll have four jizzburgers wit da special sauce, the spleen soup, uh three jumbo-sized Sprites and a Diet Coke. My bitch back at home is on some diet.”
Ruuna didn’t like the way this guy acted, “you kiss your mother with that mouth?”
The Elite responded, “the fuck you say to me!?”
Ruuna laughed, “haha! Hey dude, your kids still in the back!?”
“Fuck the kids, no mothafuckaz talk to me like dat and live homie.”
“Hey!” Ruuna said, “shut the fuck up before I jump outta’ this drivethru window and come back there and fuck you up in front of yo kids!”
The Elite leaned out of the window, “hey, mufucka’ I’ll kill my kids before they see me get fucked up by some space lizard-bug like you!”
“Kill your kids!? The fuck is wrong with you!? And bitch if you insult ma’ race like dat again I’ll fuckin’ kill every one of you fuckin’ squid lizard thingys!”
The Elite’s kids were cowering in the back as their father got angrier, “okay bitch, wait ‘till I pull up to dat window, you gonna’ fuckin’ die!”
The Elite put his foot to the petal as hard as he could. His ford pushed all the cars in front of him forward so he could reach the window. Ruuna looked out of the window and got even angrier when the car in front of him ran over some kid who was trying to get a walk-up order. Ruuin pulled out his plasma pistol and shot at the Elite’s car. The elite grabbed his plasma rifle and put his arm out of the car, shooting back at Ruuna. Ruuna ducked back inside. The Elite’s car finally pushed its way to the window. Ruuna had to act fast. He put his fists up and punched the Elite in the side of his head. Ruuna pulled out his plasma pistol and shot at the Elite more.
The Elite looked back up as the plasma bolts hit his car, “shit man, this muthafucka’s crazy!” The Elite drove his car away as fast as he could.
Ruuna leaned out the window, “and don’t you fuckin’ come back to my hood!”
Chapter 2: The Trial Edit
Of course, Ruuna was taken to court for starting a fight at the local Grunt Shack. He walked into the court room and took his seat. The others took their seat as well. Ruuna looked around to see if anybody he knew was there. He saw his parents sitting three rows behind him.
Ruuna waved and whispered, “hi Mom! Hi Dad!”
His dad shook his head as his mother cried on his shoulder. Ruuna smile faded and he slowly turned around. Ruuna cleared his throat in embarrassment; he looked to the judge. It was a damned grunt.
Ruuna coughed, trying not to get caught insulting the grunt, *cough* “midget chimpanzee” *cough* *cough* “squealing pig” *cough* “weak little piece of” *cough* “shit” *cough.*
The grunt got angry and pounded his little hammer, “silence in the court!”
Ruuna began to laugh at the grunt’s high-pitched voice; he covered his mouth and turned around to hide his amusement.
The grunt moved on with the trial, trying to ignore Ruuna insults. Some Elite was walking around in the front of the court, he was wearing some tuxedo which did not fit too well and had a ketchup stain on the left pant leg, it was quite a sight.
Ruuna leaned back in his chair and mumbled, “you’ve got to be kidding me.”
The Elite spoke, “Ruuna, is it true what happened at the Grunt Shack drive thru? Did you argue and insult a customer over the microphone, bear an armed weapon, and fire that weapon at the customer?”
Ruuna looked to the other stand, the Elite who had fought with him in the drive way was over there staring him down. Behind him were the kids that were in the car, and what appeared to be his wife.
Ruuna spoke aloud, “your wife looks like a whore.”
The grunt stood up, “young sir! I will not have that talk in my court!”
“Sorry,” Ruuna said, “just kinda’ slipped out.”
“Let us proceed,” the Elite said, “so is it true Ruuna?”
“Well yeah,” Ruuna said, “but I only shot at him because he was a threat to the public. He pushed a car into a damn kid trying to get his extra meaty jackal sandwich for god’s sakes! That kid DIED and I accidentally spilled the chicken fingers and a large Sprite on his dead body.”
“That was a little bit unnecessary,” the Elite said.
“I’m just tellin’ it like it is bro,” Ruuna said.
“Don’t call me bro!” the Elite spouted back.
The Elite then turned to the other Elite who shot at Ruuna in the driveway. “Is it true that you caused this? Or is Ruuna over there lying to us?”
The Elite leaned forward, “bitch you better talk to me wit’ some respect, I know some badass mufuckaz in da projects who would wipe you out for lookin’ at em like dat!”
Ruuna laughed some more, “yeah, like you did in the drive thru, muthafucka’ you can’t shoot for shit!”
The grunt pounded his hammer so hard that the entire court room shuddered. “THERE WILL BE ORDER IN MY MOTHERFUCKING COURT!” he squealed.
Ruuna ignored him and began talking to the Elite that fought with him in the driveway, “hey, about earlier, it’s all good.”
“Yeah,” the Elite said, “it was kinda’ funny how you spilled Sprite on that dead kid!”“Oh! High-five from across the room!” As Ruuna said this, he gave an air high-five and the elite did the same.“Hey,” the elite said, “what’s yo numba dawg, we gotta’ chill some time.”
“576-3369,” Ruuna said.
Then he and the Elite began to laugh at the number “69” being in the number.
“Tell you what homie,” Ruuna said, “I’ll mail you a box of Hello Kitty band aids so you can heal from where I shot you!”
The elite leaned back, “bro you serious!? I love Hello Kitty!”
“My lizard,” Ruuna said, “Hello Kitty is THE SHIT!”
“Ha!” the elite said, “yeah, kids these days be playin’ dey xboxlive n’ shit. I be up ma’ apartment listening to that Barbie World song!”
Ruuna got out of his seat and stood on the table, “FUCK YEAH! Barbie is the best!”
The elite got out of his seat and stood on the table as well, he began to sing the Barbie song, “I’m a Barbie girl! In the Barbie world! Wrapped in plastic! It’s fantastic! You can brush my hair! Undress me everywhere! Imagination! Life is your creation!”
Ruuna started dancing and sang too, “come on Barbie let’s go party!”
The elite started breakdancing, “I’m a Barbie girl! In a… ”
Ruuna and the elite finally realized that they were still in the court room. “Uh, sorry,” Ruuna said. He and the elite both quietly got off the tables and took their seats.
The whole courtroom was still, all of them in awe of what they just saw. The grunt stood up and spoke, “I… I love Barbie too!” He started dancing and the whole courtroom joined in.
So in the end, everyone left the courtroom with an annoying little jingle in their heads. Ruuna and the elite got away with the drive thru after all and were now best friends.
But our story is far from over…
Chapter 3: Killing Spree EditRuuna got in the car with the elite, "come on dawg," the elite said, "lemme' take you back to ma' crib."They rode down the block, the elite at the wheel. "Yo," Ruuna said, "what's your name?"
"My name is Teedle 'Crasarmee, but the g's call me Tiddles," he said.
Ruuna shrugged. Tiddles put in a Bon Jovi CD. Ruuna noticed as he did this. "What is that?" Ruuna asked.
"It's Bon Jovi!" Tiddles said.
Ruuna laughed, "dude, Bon Jovi's a bitch. Little emo pussies. Bro, didn't they go to the superbowl or something? Yeah, that little bitch tried to slide across the stage and he ran into a damn microphone! Get that CD outta' this car!"
Tiddles ejected the CD and threw it out, "yeah, Bon Jovi was kind of a bitch."
"That's better," Ruuna said. Suddenly Ruuna noticed something in the backseat. It was a Brute Plasma Rifle. "Holy shit! You got the brute variant!?"
"Fuck yeah, I stole it from some idiot kid," Tiddles said.
Ruuna held it in awe, "bro... I feel like god right now! We gotta' shoot it at something!"
Tiddles looked down the street. There were some grunt kids in the middle of the street. They were throwing around a bag of rocks or something.
"Hey," Ruuna said, "target practice?"
Tiddles chuckled and rolled down the windows. Ruuna leaned out and began firing at the kids, "ha," he laughed, "look at 'em run!"
The kids had all retreated inside, Tiddles and Ruuna drove on down the street laughing like hyenas.
Ruuna was bent over, holding his stomach, "hahahaha! Did you see that fat kid's face!? Bwhahahahahaha!"
"Yeah!" Tiddles laughed.
Suddenly a group of about ten brutes walked into the street, armed with steel pipes.
"Get yo asses out da' car!" one yelled.
Ruuna looked to Tiddles nervously, "what should we do?"
"Kick some monkey ass!" Tiddles said.
Tiddles grabbed his two plasma pistols and Ruuna took the Brute Plasma Rifle.
One of the brutes noticed Ruuna's rifle, "nice gun kid, what if I told you I wanted it?"
"Then I'd have to kick your gorill ass with it," Ruuna said, "you know you makin' me mad. I might just kick yo ass anyway! Mufucka!"
The brutes laughed, "okay mosquito, let's dance!" one said.
Tiddles lifted his pistols and blasted away at the brutes. Ruuna did the same, the brutes all charged, lead pipes in hand. About three dropped before being able to touch Ruuna or Tiddles. The others engaged in fistfights. Tiddles took on four and Ruuna took on three.
Tiddles kicked one of the brutes in the face and spit on his body, "knocked da man out!" He moved on, punching another in the face while being beaten in the back by the other three. He lifted the one and threw him into the other two. All of them flew back onto the pavement, enough time for Tiddles to put a few plasma bolts in their heads.
Ruuna shot down one brute. The others charged, Ruuin flew into the air and began singing a song, "I'm so fly! Feels like I'm takin' off, I'm so high!" As he did this, he shot at the grounded brutes, eventually killing them.
Ruuna landed and Tiddles walked up to him, "ha," Tiddles said, "nobody plays dis game like me!!!!"
Ruuna and Tiddles got back in the car and began driving down the road, the went all the way to Tiddle's apartment. Ruuna shot this guy on the way.
Chapter 4: 2 Girls 1 Cup EditRuuna and Tiddles arrived at the apartment. They parked the car and walked inside. "Dude," Ruuna said, "your apartment smells like vag."
"Fuck you," Tiddles said, "dissin' ma' crib... the hell's wrong wit you!?"
"Just sayin' man," Ruuna said.
"Hey," Tiddles said as he sat down on his bed, "let's watch Pimp my Ride."
Ruuna sat down as well, "man that show is wack."
The television turned on and some guy was giving a car a purple paint job with blue and red flames.
"Damn," Tiddles said, "that mothafucka' can make any car look sexy."
"This sucks," Ruuna said, "the fuck is he wearin' anyway? Freakin' Cavaliers jersy, Cavaliers can eat shiznit and die."
"Okay," Tiddles said, "why don't I show you somethin' you'll really like."
Tiddles got up and sat down at his computer. He Googled "Two Girls One Cup."
"What the fuck is that?" Ruuna asked.
Tiddles laughed, "heh, you'll see."
Tiddles clicked a link and hit play on a video.
Ruuna watched intently, "The fuck is this music? ... mmm... they kissin' on eachotha' I like dat! ... ooh, that's good. Wait where'd the kissin' go? ... JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST! OH MY GOD THEY'RE EATING IT! UGH, TIDDLES WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY YOU SHOWIN' ME THIS SHIT MAN!? THIS IS SOME CRAZY FUCKED UP SHIT! OH MY GOD... NO! NO! NO DON'T DO THAT! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD, WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING THAT!? EATING IT WASN'T ENOUGH!?"
The video stopped and Tiddles laughed his ass off, "HAHAHAHA! I recorded that too! Man you are goin' all over YouTube!"
"Tiddles, what the fuck!?" Ruuin said, "you think that's funny!? God damnit! I'm motherfucking Ruuna! You can't do that to me!"
Ruuna pulled out his plasma pistol and shot Tiddles right in the face, "fuck you and yo' crazy fucked up shit!" Ruuna then took the computer and threw it out the window, where it hit a grunt walking on the sidewalk.Ruuna ran out of the apartment, throwing up on the hallway wall as he did so.
Chapter 5: The E.N.D. Edit
Ruuna eventually left High Charity and moved to earth where he met Stephen and James. He had no crib so he lived with James, where he, Stephen, and James would chill and play Halo 3. Then they'd go out and eat at Dairy Queen, then they'd throw straws at small children. Stephen, James, and Ruuna lived out happy/criminalistic lives for the rest of their lives. Though Ruuna was actually Meat XD
Ruuna is a drone aboard High Charity. He is armed with a plasma pistol and a needler. His main specialty though is cooking, but Ruuna is trained in combat. He has only battled once though... he's usually needed in the kitchen for his cooking talent.
Ruuna is the son of some couple from YouTube. The father was named DesertKing3000 and the mother was KinkyGurl237. They gave birth to him on High Charity where he was raised to be a cook and a soldier when needed.
Health/Medical Statistics Edit
Ruuna has unusually high blood pressure. He gets angry very easily and is on special medication (which he never takes). Ruuna has once broken his shell but recovered fully in a few weeks.
- Ruuna is actually a real life person. He was first encountered on the IRC at #halo-legends by the staff and chatters. He was a typical troll. So he was banned.
- Ruuna's story was inspired by the actual Ruuna, who two users (Meat and Taters and King Of Defeat) found epically hilarious. So they wrote a story about him.
- Ruuna has a youtube. Link: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Acklay
- Ruuna actually likes to call himself an acklay for some reason.
- Ruuna apparently doesn't need stats because he fcking pwns.
- The story starred Stephen and James. Two real life people as well.
- Stephen and James are the authors of this story Stephen being Meat and Taters, James being King Of Defeat. Both kick some serious ass.
- Chapter 5 of the story is named after the Black Eyed Peas' new album: The E.N.D. Meat and Taters is a huge fan, as well as King Of Defeat.
- Ruuna is an evolving insect going from Ruuin to Ruuna to Acklay in a breif disgusting period of time.
- Ruuna was actually meat and taters>>>>>>>this was discovered by King Of Defeat(aka James)